Happy & Meditative

Miles Run this Week: 1 (!!!)
HOURS until Burlington: 21

Well, I'm here. The second I got to the hotel room, I changed into my running clothes and started doing the quad workout my "trainer and coach" gave me to do before a test mile.

I realized that I had made it about 7 minutes into that mile.

The first 4ish minutes I was just holding my breath (figuratively), waiting to feel the pain or any tweaking, or any sign that I was going to meet my doom.

Then around 7 minutes, I looked up. The sun was setting over Lake Champlain. I was running down a road I didn't know. And it hit me: I'm here. I made it. 365+ days in the making. I'm running in Burlington. 


I finished my mile, and the doom never showed up.

So now here I sit, alone in my hotel room, listening to Bon Iver and doing the quad workout again. And I feel calm. Running is what I love to do. It has seen me though some of my darkest moments. And I have trained and thought about this weekend for months and months. And now I just have to get out there and do what I love to do.

I picked up my Bib at the expo and signed up for a pace group.

While I've been training for a 4:30 finish, I signed up for the 4:45 group, just in case. I'd rather make it through 15 miles a little slower and drop the hammer on the last 10 if I'm feeling good than burn myself out or flare up my right leg and DNF.

Come to find out, there is a couple that is getting married at the end of the race, and the bride is also in the 4:45 pace group. If that doesn't make you burst into happy tears, nothing will (of course, if you're already on the verge of bursting into tears at a moment's notice like I am right now, I guess this is a no-brainer).

My biggest fear of not finishing and being pushed into a black hole of depression is gone. Running is what pulls me out of those places, not what puts me in them. When I was so broken at the end of Chicago - it wasn't running that put me there, it was myself. Every time I go into one of those ruts, I'm the one who got me there. Running has been what gets me out.

I have nothing to be ashamed of for this race. I have trained my ass off (literally - I fit into a size medium women's shirt today at the expo. Really.) There will be no depression. I can say from the depths of myself that I worked as hard as I could, and that I should be proud that I have stuck to this training plan, if nothing else.

The race was supposed to be the crowning achievement, the product of all this hard work. But when I was visiting my trainer-coach, she said, "This is a good place to be. You never performed at this level before, so you opened something up in your body. We'll figure out what it was, and how to control it, and from there, you can get to a whole new level of running."

I have pushed myself to my limits. Maybe tomorrow my limits come sooner than the finish line, and that's OK. Because I'm not done as a runner. And I have challenged myself in a way that I can take this and run with it, as a real marathoner. As a runner.

Tomorrow I'll have live tweets from checkpoints on the race course (automated): @Running_Boots. You can  also get race info from @RunVermont.

Be back later for a before-bed-check-in!

Keeping Positive

Miles Run this Week: 0 :(
Days Until Burlington: 3 (!!!!)

My GU Gummies are purchased. New headphones are ready. Playlist has been fortified. Race plan has been turned over to my entourage. In less than 72 hours, I will be at the start line for the marathon.

I'm still nursing my IT band - I literally have not run at all (except for the bus when I'm late) in almost 2 weeks. I got a massage on Tuesday to loosen up my glutes and hamstrings in hopes they will release the death grip on my ITB.

For the past 10 days, I have been scared. The thought that I will only get 5 miles into this race makes my insides churn. I have felt a little helpless and hopeless, knowing that only time can heal an injury like this, and not knowing if I have enough of that. I've been waking up every day, hoping that day is the day I can spring out of bed, feel no pain, and know that I can dominate this race. I want to able to cash in on all my training since last May (last May! I've been prepping for this for over a year!). Every morning I wake up, feeling a pinch or a soreness somewhere else on my right leg, and immediately feeling let down. I'm disappointed in myself. That my brain let me think it was OK to fly down those hills. In my legs for not taking advantage of all the other work I was doing to strengthen them. In my core for always being weak.

I've been talking and blogging about this race for...what seems like forever. And now, I'm only a couple days out, and I'm unsure if I can actually put my money where my mouth is.

This was the race to redeem me from Chicago. To silence the sympathetic, "Well, you finished the marathon" replies after I didn't do what I wanted to do. And now there will be the sympathetic excuses, "Well, you were hurt. You still finished, but you were hurt." There is a possibility this will be my first DNF. The possibility of that raises chunks in my throat and my eyes to immediately tear up.

So this morning, I woke up. My leg is still sore from the massage. Then I realized that where it's sore are the places that it's always sore: my hip, my glute, my hip flexor.

I listened to my marathon playlist on the way to work. And then I made a decision.

My ITB is going to be fine. It's not going to hold me back. It had enough time to heal.

At this point, being negative will do nothing but continue this fear spiral I've been on.

I can honestly say that this is the first race I've been this prepared for. I ran the miles. I'm eating the carbs. I printed out the race course. I know exactly what I'm going to eat and when. Now I just need to believe that my legs are ready, too.

We Are Family

Miles Run this Week: 0
Days Until Burlington: 12

With Monster Month over, capped by a 20 mile peak run, my focus is on resting and carb loading (properly...which *apparently* doesn't include beer. Total sham.)

The rest part typically comes in the form of the "taper" - meaning I curb my total running mileage to let my legs rest and recover from a helluva month prior. Last week my long run was supposed to be 13 miles (as opposed to the 16-18-20s I've been doing).

Supposed to be.

In my unbelievable 20 miler, where I CRUSHED miles and felt like I had the power to flip over cars, I ran...nay...I RACED downhill from Brighton for the last 2-ish miles. Like a FOOL.

My IT band decided to rain down wrath on me last week. Like...circa 2004 knee pain wrath. So, I rested Monday - Wednesday. Thursday was a 6 miler...I made it 5 before searing pain. So I rested Friday and Saturday. Sunday I headed out for my 13 miler, got to 5.1, and my right leg was done. DONE. No stretching. No weight bearing. Done.

So as I hobbled home, I started to panic. This is the first time I've really trained for a race like this. I've read a nutrition book. I've printed out the course map and the elevation profile to plan water stops, food pick ups, and arrange my playlist for the tough parts.

And now my IT band decides it's mad at my knee, and I can't get above 5 miles? No. Nonononono.

I have had season-ending injuries before: a stress fracture in high school sidelined my entire senior year of soccer. I've had this nagging IT injury in my knee all through ultimate. I was carried off the field my last game as a senior because of this pain. No. Nononononono.

Instead of bursting into tears (which is really all you want to do if you think you're watching your goal creep away), I put an SOS up on Facebook.
"Quad/knee/IT band can't make it more than 5 miles at a time :( Limping home...anyone have rehab suggestions so I'm good to go in 2 weeks? Really worried..."

While running is absolutely an individual's event - how you do is up to you, and in the end, you're really only racing yourself - the running community is more expansive and supportive than any team I've ever played on.  I have reconnected with people from college over our love of running. I have been inspired by coworkers and women in my running group that have tackled races with strength and grace. Even as I interact with Members of Rue, I always find fellow runners, and we stick together - regardless of geography or whether or not we have even met. 

The outpouring of answers and support from my little question-turned-digital-support-group gave me another reason to love running. I have bonded with these women, even if we barely knew each other 10 years ago when we met, over the common feeling of empowerment. Instead of using running to isolate myself, it has enriched my community. In times where is seems women's propensity to tear each other down is at an all-time high, I belong to a sisterhood of support, encouragement and thoughtful dialog. Rather than feeling like the only person who has ever botched her training on the 20 miler, I saw that it's actually a common pit fall, and that it's something that many have overcome. 

So equipped with this knowledge and a lot of painkillers and ice, my outlook has improved. I'm even Smiling While Running! 

Fueling the Monster

Miles Run this Week: 4.0

Days until Burlington: 23

One of the most common phrases in running is "hitting the wall". The "wall" usually shows up at a totally inconvenient time in a race - usually about 75% of the way through - so you have juuuuust enough left to do that it seems like eternity and virtually impossible to finish, but you've completed so much you just. can't. quit. 

Hitting the wall, in science, means that you've depleted your sugar stores, and your brain is trying to save yourself. Knowing the science-y angle makes it all the more appealing to stop what you're doing. 

Usually I hit the wall at 4 miles in a 10K. You hear marathoners perpetually hitting the wall at 20. 

I "ran" 20 miles 2 weeks ago...and hit the wall at 14 miles. I clawed my way to 17, but I couldn't scale that wall anymore after that, and had to walk/gimp 3 miles home. It was a very humbling blow. I haven't been excited about running for the past two weeks. 

I have hit the emotional wall. I'm tired all the time. I am trying to squeeze running in during really weird times, not being able to follow my schedule to the letter. I feel tremendously guilty because I know that all these missing miles can add up to missing my goal time. That makes me want to run even less. I try and tell myself that I'm training harder and more often than I ever did for Boston, Lowell or Chicago. But it's nagging at me.

I have another 20 miler this weekend. I had to push it out to Sunday because I delayed my speed workout (guilt guilt guilt). After a rough 14 mile "rest" run last week, I'm terrified I can't tackle this 20 miles. April into May is my "Monster Month", which is the 4 weeks of training that is marked by a bunch of levels of intensity: you run faster, or you run just an assload of miles (which in this case, can be these 20 milers). 

I'm wracking my brain to figure out what I can do better. I've been so consumed by running since February, I'm tried of thinking about what percent of carbs I should be eating, or what kind of protein I'm eating, or the fact I'd rather chug 6 beers than 6 bottles of water. This is the absolute worst time to be worn out from training. This is when I need it the most.

I sincerely believe that these long runs are less about the miles on my legs, and more about preparing me emotionally and mentally for running as fast as I can for over 26 miles. Sure, I've finished marathons before, but this time, it's not about just finishing. It's about toeing that start line, knowing that I have prepared myself for beyond just the finishers medal. It's about pushing my body to a level of performance it has never achieved. It's about taking that disappointed, broken runner from Chicago, and pulling her up onto her own personal podium of 1st place Amy. 

The other reason I have these long runs is to figure out what works and what doesn't. During a 4+ hour run, I can see how dehydrated I get (very) and how hungry I am (not at all...which is bad). 

A couple months ago, I went to a seminar at Landry's Bikes that was hosted by chef Biju Thomas and Allen Lim, who were Radioshack and Team Garmin's chefs while they rode the Tour de France. One of the points they brought up is how your body responds to things like GU. Basically - you can't break it down easily, so your body pulls in as much water as it can, resulting in stomach aches and dehydration. While they were talking about it for cyclists, I got that creeping feeling....it's happened to me, too. (This epiphany led to me buying their book and has started a new awareness of eating natural, whole foods. Which is a totally different post.)

So I started diluting my GUs in water. I don't have the horrible sick feeling I used to....but I don't think my body is getting the fuel it needs to power through 20 miles. 

While I run to lose weight (or now, to maintain, because I'm so close to my goal!), there is a tipping point when you're tacking endurance events. Usually, less food and calorie depletion is met with joy and welcoming....until you hit about 2 hours of pain. And then, you better have been stuffing your face this whole time, or you're going to end up sitting under a tree, 3 miles from home (6 if you take your loop), throwing a tantrum and eating as many crackers as you can, wondering why you can't hack it. 

My GU water, while chocolate-y, doesn't cut it.

So while I've come back completely defeated two weekends in a row after my long runs, I am so glad it happened during the Monster, and not during the race. This weekend will be honey packets (easier sugar source for the body to breakdown) and homemade peanut butter (less sugar and no additives) on crackers (salt and east to breakdown). And maybe I'll kill the 20 miles. Maybe I'll find something else I need to do.

But these long runs are a lot like regular life. You think something's going to go a certain way because of all the prep you've been doing around it, just to find out there are factors you never considered. And you can crush under that pressure of failure, or you can re-calibrate and try again, until you've figured out all the pieces. 

So this Sunday, I'll throw on the outfit I plan on running the race in (because I also need to know where I need to watch out for chafing...which is a whole other monster), and pack up my little pouch with my fuel and water and my charge up iPhone, and try 20 again, knowing that in 3 weeks, all the work will come to some sort of result (and hoping it's the one I want). 

Being a real runner: 10 Mile Run

Miles Run this Week: 0
Days Until Burlington: 76

Wow! So much to catch up on. To be honest, I'd rather be slacking on my blogging than my running.

I finished week 5 yesterday with my first 10 mile run since 2010. The last 10 miler I really remember doing was in April of 2010, to peak for my half marathon in New York. I remember there was a wicked headwind and it was hovering around 45.Thankfully, winter just flat out forgot to make it to Boston this year, so it was already in the high 50s yesterday when I headed out.

Per my training plan, I should be hitting my miles at an 11:08 pace. I don't know if it's just me being stupid, or me being stronger than the past, but hitting 11:08s seem impossible. I'm hovering more in the 10:40s - which would have me running 9:40s (theoretically) for the marathon. 9:40s used to be my race pace for 5 milers/10Ks, so it's a little jarring to think that now I could keep that up for 4 to 5 times the distance (in fact it's crazypants to me).

So, the 10 miles went pretty OK. My legs started to ache at about 8.5, but it was the ache I get at like...20 or 21 miles during the race, so I felt a little satisfied with the pain (masochist) and my ability to push through the last 1.5 despite the pain. I finished up last week with 22 miles.

I think the other big news (other than a 10 miler I didn't cry after) is I decided against the Marine Corps Marathon. The travel costs were really the biggest factor - the flying, the hoteling, the race fee. It also always bugged me that I would be running 3 days after my birthday, instead of finishing the 5 marathons before October 25. So after a lot of thinking and researching, I decided to run the Amica Marathon  in Newport, Rhode Island on Columbus Day Weekend. Reasons why this change is bad ass:

(a) Look at this view!

(b) I run marathon #5 eleven days before my birthday. Just make it!

(c) It's the same weekend as Chicago, which means I can do the bulk of my long runs with my running buddy/BFF Val. 

(d) I will have finished marathons in 3 of the 5 states in New England. I don't know if I'll ever be one of those crazy "50 marathons in 50 states" people (looking at you, Alaska, and most of the states in the South) - but this is a decent start. 

(e) MCM sold out in like 4 hours. What?

And lastly, I am really impressed with RunVermont, which is the group that organizes Burlington. They have a segment in their blog to meet the pace group captains - which is a pretty neat idea. I never really thought about the pace group captains before; there were leaders in Chicago, but I was more focused on other things. To be a pace leader, you really have to be in tune with internal pacing, which is something I'm kind of terrible at. It's been fun reading about the journeys of the pace group captains, and how similar their stories sound to mine. The 4:30 leaders are Jen Sorrell and Laura Skladzinski - these are the women I will follow to my marathon PR. 

Ain't No Mountain High Enough

Miles Run this Week: 8.0
Days Until Burlington: 94

Under 100 days to go! This morning I dragged myself out of bed to run hills. Surprisingly, I effing hate hills. A deep-seeded hatred. So, obviously, I picked the most notorious hill in all of Boston: Summit Ave. With a climb of about 240 ft, I turned the corner of Beacon, and it kind of looked like this:



(In comparison, the infamous "Heartbreak Hill" on the Boston Marathon route is only a climb of 88 ft. It just happens at the worst possible time, ever.)

My marathon training guide recommended I "spring" up the hill, meaning I focus on high knees, and landing on the balls of my feet rather than trying to drive into the hill with my legs (which ultimately kills your calves and can lead to plantar fasciitis). My pace was about 10:40's when I got to Summit...and then dropped to 12:44s as I "sprung" up it. But as a sprinter in high school...this form is how you run...everything. So I took tiny steps and drove my knees, and looked back a couple times to show myself how far I went.

There is nothing that makes you feel like a total beast (in a good way) at 7 AM than conquering Summit Ave. I promise you that.

This was also my 2nd run in my NEW SNEAKERS! I went to Marathon Sports on Sunday to get refit, since the edition of my shoes have been retired (but I've found that sometimes, a redesign happens between numbers, and then life sucks).

I tried a pair of Asics, but on the test jog, my knees immediately started to hurt. I tried a pair of Sauconys, and I felt the hollow space where the arch support was missing. Then, I was brought a pair of Nikes. I recoiled.

Back in 2008, when I knew nothing about running, I wandered into Niketown. I told them that I was training for the Boston Marathon, and needed sneakers. So, without looking at my feet, without asking if I had any nagging injuries, without any considerations at all, the girl pointed to a shoe, and told me it was what I needed. Without knowing that feet swell when distance running (compounded by the fact that Nike runs small), I got a size 10, instead of an 11.

I lost 4 toenails after Boston '09. I had knee pain (probably from my weak hip, which wasn't supported in these shoes) and I've been trying to prehab/rehab ever since. I decided that Nike, the godfather of running sneakers, had gotten too big, too focused on all the other sports, and I would never, ever buy a pair of Nike running sneakers.

Turns out, my anger was misdirected. It's not the sneakers that killed me. It was the misinformation. The Nikes that were brought out on Sunday are like running on clouds. Check out these puppies:

Nike Zoom Structure Triax+ 15

Bonus: they look super cute with my hyper-colored socks!

This week is also my longest mileage week since 2010. Week 2 closed down with 17 miles, which I combined with a lot of strength training, so they were a tough 17. This week is 20 miles, with my long run at 9 miles. The weather for Saturday looks like there's another awesomely windy day ahead. Just need to keep cranking! 

Rest Day = Best Day

Miles Run This Week: 3
Days Until Burlington: 102

New layout! Twitters! Links! Races! Other blogs I dig! Teknologeeez!

Before the blogeekout, Monday I had what should have been an easy 3-mile run. I strength trained beforehand, which will make my awkward arm jiggle eventually go away, but is particularly exhausting ( Dom focuses on keeping our heart rate up). Since I calculated out what my pace should be (to compensate for the 0.16 discrepancy on my MapMyRun app), I can't just cruise at whatever speed and figure that's enough. About 1.75 miles in, hitting that 10:58 pace was hard. And this was in base building mode.

My hope is that running these at a slow pace tired will lead to stronger runs in the future (good); but it could actually lead to me hurting myself (not good). So I am proceeding with extreme caution.

Tuesday was my much needed (and earned) rest day. My off day can pretty much be summed up in two actions: sitting on the couch and eating EVERYTHING in sight. Yesterday was no exception. And it was delicious.

Usually when I go into human-vacuum mode, I start to panic. How am I going to burn all these off? Usually while I'm eating an entire sleeve of cookies, I can justify it with the "I'm going for a run tonight" (which is easily the only reason I run anymore...so I can eat), but I've realized that my body knows what's up. I've been training long enough now that it knows I get 1 day a week to go bananapants (and eat those) and I just pack it in.

Luckily, last night "packing it in" consisted of omega-3 rich salmon and nutrient-rich sweet potatoes, so that helped calm the guilt factor down. (The Reese's hearts, however, did not.)

One of the fringe benefits of getting up early to make the breakfast burrito is I now have an extra 5-ish minutes in my morning to foam roll. While I'm already in a deep, loving relationship with my foam roller, it's also kind of on a booty-call level: I typically only go to it when I need something. This 2-AM-approach only helps the surface knot, and is short term at best (if that). I've heard that you should foam roll daily - but who the hell has time for that? But in an effort to reduce the "owowowowow", I'm borderline proposing to my roller.
Also - the hotel for Burlington has been booked! Now I have to go!