Days until Burlington: 23
One of the most common phrases in running is "hitting the wall". The "wall" usually shows up at a totally inconvenient time in a race - usually about 75% of the way through - so you have juuuuust enough left to do that it seems like eternity and virtually impossible to finish, but you've completed so much you just. can't. quit.
Hitting the wall, in science, means that you've depleted your sugar stores, and your brain is trying to save yourself. Knowing the science-y angle makes it all the more appealing to stop what you're doing.
Usually I hit the wall at 4 miles in a 10K. You hear marathoners perpetually hitting the wall at 20.
I "ran" 20 miles 2 weeks ago...and hit the wall at 14 miles. I clawed my way to 17, but I couldn't scale that wall anymore after that, and had to walk/gimp 3 miles home. It was a very humbling blow. I haven't been excited about running for the past two weeks.
I have hit the emotional wall. I'm tired all the time. I am trying to squeeze running in during really weird times, not being able to follow my schedule to the letter. I feel tremendously guilty because I know that all these missing miles can add up to missing my goal time. That makes me want to run even less. I try and tell myself that I'm training harder and more often than I ever did for Boston, Lowell or Chicago. But it's nagging at me.
I have another 20 miler this weekend. I had to push it out to Sunday because I delayed my speed workout (guilt guilt guilt). After a rough 14 mile "rest" run last week, I'm terrified I can't tackle this 20 miles. April into May is my "Monster Month", which is the 4 weeks of training that is marked by a bunch of levels of intensity: you run faster, or you run just an assload of miles (which in this case, can be these 20 milers).
I'm wracking my brain to figure out what I can do better. I've been so consumed by running since February, I'm tried of thinking about what percent of carbs I should be eating, or what kind of protein I'm eating, or the fact I'd rather chug 6 beers than 6 bottles of water. This is the absolute worst time to be worn out from training. This is when I need it the most.
I sincerely believe that these long runs are less about the miles on my legs, and more about preparing me emotionally and mentally for running as fast as I can for over 26 miles. Sure, I've finished marathons before, but this time, it's not about just finishing. It's about toeing that start line, knowing that I have prepared myself for beyond just the finishers medal. It's about pushing my body to a level of performance it has never achieved. It's about taking that disappointed, broken runner from Chicago, and pulling her up onto her own personal podium of 1st place Amy.
The other reason I have these long runs is to figure out what works and what doesn't. During a 4+ hour run, I can see how dehydrated I get (very) and how hungry I am (not at all...which is bad).
A couple months ago, I went to a seminar at Landry's Bikes that was hosted by chef Biju Thomas and Allen Lim, who were Radioshack and Team Garmin's chefs while they rode the Tour de France. One of the points they brought up is how your body responds to things like GU. Basically - you can't break it down easily, so your body pulls in as much water as it can, resulting in stomach aches and dehydration. While they were talking about it for cyclists, I got that creeping feeling....it's happened to me, too. (This epiphany led to me buying their book and has started a new awareness of eating natural, whole foods. Which is a totally different post.)
So I started diluting my GUs in water. I don't have the horrible sick feeling I used to....but I don't think my body is getting the fuel it needs to power through 20 miles.
While I run to lose weight (or now, to maintain, because I'm so close to my goal!), there is a tipping point when you're tacking endurance events. Usually, less food and calorie depletion is met with joy and welcoming....until you hit about 2 hours of pain. And then, you better have been stuffing your face this whole time, or you're going to end up sitting under a tree, 3 miles from home (6 if you take your loop), throwing a tantrum and eating as many crackers as you can, wondering why you can't hack it.
My GU water, while chocolate-y, doesn't cut it.
So while I've come back completely defeated two weekends in a row after my long runs, I am so glad it happened during the Monster, and not during the race. This weekend will be honey packets (easier sugar source for the body to breakdown) and homemade peanut butter (less sugar and no additives) on crackers (salt and east to breakdown). And maybe I'll kill the 20 miles. Maybe I'll find something else I need to do.
But these long runs are a lot like regular life. You think something's going to go a certain way because of all the prep you've been doing around it, just to find out there are factors you never considered. And you can crush under that pressure of failure, or you can re-calibrate and try again, until you've figured out all the pieces.
So this Sunday, I'll throw on the outfit I plan on running the race in (because I also need to know where I need to watch out for chafing...which is a whole other monster), and pack up my little pouch with my fuel and water and my charge up iPhone, and try 20 again, knowing that in 3 weeks, all the work will come to some sort of result (and hoping it's the one I want).
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