Keeping Positive

Miles Run this Week: 0 :(
Days Until Burlington: 3 (!!!!)

My GU Gummies are purchased. New headphones are ready. Playlist has been fortified. Race plan has been turned over to my entourage. In less than 72 hours, I will be at the start line for the marathon.

I'm still nursing my IT band - I literally have not run at all (except for the bus when I'm late) in almost 2 weeks. I got a massage on Tuesday to loosen up my glutes and hamstrings in hopes they will release the death grip on my ITB.

For the past 10 days, I have been scared. The thought that I will only get 5 miles into this race makes my insides churn. I have felt a little helpless and hopeless, knowing that only time can heal an injury like this, and not knowing if I have enough of that. I've been waking up every day, hoping that day is the day I can spring out of bed, feel no pain, and know that I can dominate this race. I want to able to cash in on all my training since last May (last May! I've been prepping for this for over a year!). Every morning I wake up, feeling a pinch or a soreness somewhere else on my right leg, and immediately feeling let down. I'm disappointed in myself. That my brain let me think it was OK to fly down those hills. In my legs for not taking advantage of all the other work I was doing to strengthen them. In my core for always being weak.

I've been talking and blogging about this race for...what seems like forever. And now, I'm only a couple days out, and I'm unsure if I can actually put my money where my mouth is.

This was the race to redeem me from Chicago. To silence the sympathetic, "Well, you finished the marathon" replies after I didn't do what I wanted to do. And now there will be the sympathetic excuses, "Well, you were hurt. You still finished, but you were hurt." There is a possibility this will be my first DNF. The possibility of that raises chunks in my throat and my eyes to immediately tear up.

So this morning, I woke up. My leg is still sore from the massage. Then I realized that where it's sore are the places that it's always sore: my hip, my glute, my hip flexor.

I listened to my marathon playlist on the way to work. And then I made a decision.

My ITB is going to be fine. It's not going to hold me back. It had enough time to heal.

At this point, being negative will do nothing but continue this fear spiral I've been on.

I can honestly say that this is the first race I've been this prepared for. I ran the miles. I'm eating the carbs. I printed out the race course. I know exactly what I'm going to eat and when. Now I just need to believe that my legs are ready, too.